If you are, and if you’re doing so in a place that doesn’t allow same-sex marriage, you may be feeling some moral/political qualms. I was listening to Dan Savage’s show and he had some suggestions for what straight people can do to help the cause when they get married: (1) You might get someone to say something about marriage equality as part of the service. (2) You might get something put into the written programme. (3) On the gift registry, you could suggest donations to a marriage equality campaign. Great ideas, I thought, and worth passing on.
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My husband and I got married almost two years ago in Michigan. Right around the time Michigan passed that Defense of Marriage act. So we had our officiant stand up and say some nice words about how we were getting married, it was our choice and we were really excited about it. But we recognised that there would be a lot of people out there that can’t get married because they fell in love with someone of the same sex, and that was a bummer. We also made a statement that our house was a safe haven for everyone, and any family member looking for love and acceptance would find it from us. Kind of caused a stir for our Catholic families.
We also took 10% of our cash gifts and donated to PFLAG. Figured it was best to put our money where our mouths are.
Or you could join the people who are boycotting marriage. I am boycotting marriage period – that decision has little to do with the discrimination against same-sex couples. It has everything to do with the discrimination of unmarried that comes with marriage, whatever the reasons for not marrying – choice, circumstance, or law. It also is because marriage is a patriarchal, religious institution (look for a recent interview of Jaclyn Geller by Bella DePaulo). The large disadvantage of that boycott: I am giving up on 1,138 benefits and privileges that come with marriage according to the Governmental Accounting Office (I assume this is similar outside the US; matrimania is a worldwide phenomenon)… I think it’s time to move beyond marriage and develop true equality for all by removing the dividing line between the married and the unmarried, rather than simply moving it, as legalized same-sex marriage would do.
thank you, rachel. friend speaks my mind, as the quakers say.