Steak and a blow job? No thanks.

In my few months as an ex-pat in America, I’ve been introduced to several new festivals and holidays. My girlfriend brought another to my attention recently, and couldn’t understand why my reaction fell somewhere between unease and dismay. What problem could I possibly have with ‘Steak and a Blow Job Day’?

Well, let’s start with the name, and the implication that the tastes of men can be summarised so. The corollary, as the website makes clear, is the idea that women’s interests can be equally easily rounded up; ‘gifts, flowers… baubles’. Of course, it’s just a name, not an order for how the day’s got to be marked, but names are important.

Now, on the day’s point. It was conceived – and presented to me – as a reciprocal measure for all the expense and attention that should be lavished on one’s dearest on Valentine’s Day. Wonderful. It’s still possible, perhaps, to celebrate Valentine’s Day without endorsing the idea that the festival, and by extension your relationship, is about commercial exchange, in which a man seduces a woman with wealth, and she, the junior partner, yields with sex and food. But that possibility is nullified if you create and celebrate a corresponding festival that formalises the exchange of commodities and reifies the idea of such exchange as the basis of heterosexual ‘partnership’.

Finally, about the people endorsing this day. I could just about laugh it off if they were mostly men, mostly reactionary, mostly middle-aged, mostly rather sad. But instead, my girlfriend proudly described it as an ‘underground’ holiday of which she and her (girl) friends were enthusiastic advocates. ‘Underground’, I suppose, connotes young, hip, liberal, free-thinking. If this is indicative of how (American) women who would describe themselves as such think about their relationships, we return to a depressingly pervasive thought; feminism still has a long way to go.

5 thoughts on “Steak and a blow job? No thanks.

  1. I think the point is that Valentines Day and so many other rituals in our societies view of dating involve the man paying for things for the woman and pandering to them. I think this is a joke. if a couple is already in a sexual relationship steak and a BJ day doesn’t seem like anything too big. I am aware that in general men take advantage of women and earn more money for their work and women have to work at home and in the workplace often and usually get more strict rules from their parents ect. I personally had an experience where I was really taken advantage of by an ex girlfriend. She played the hot and cold game slowly convinced me to essentially pay for her and then cheated on me and flaked out, and of course blamed me for it. If she had celebrated Steak and a BJ day with me we might still be together not just because i like steak or bjs but I like to relax and have someone sort of pamper me. So often in dating the woman is some prize the man is supposed to show he loves her but the woman’s not to show much of anything back. I’m single and I have never been pampered by anyone but my mom and she really stopped doing that when i was about ten. Men always gotta take the lead and try to impress the woman and pay for everything and figure out where we are at and where we should go and stand out in the rain while she stays dry. Men gotta live with all this pressure and sure their friends might tell them to be a “real man” but you know what women say this a lot too. All of this is in fact oppressive to women in the long run but a lot of women take advantage of and demand men serve them in these little ways. Because it is convenient and ego boosting and familiar. I know a woman who always says what group of people is most responsible for sexism, women

  2. It’s been my experience that women tend to demand baubles, play the hot/cold game, sleep around and end relationships because the blow jobs are not reciprocal.

    Hers is much smaller, and much easier on the jaw muscles than his. Teaching men that sex doesn’t begin and end with the male erection is a tough nut to bust, though.

  3. Well men should definitely reciprocate no doubt And even cook. And women in a relationship who are giving men sexual favors they enjoy should ask for the same in return and men should oblige them or else they will not be gettin any. That is equality and one of the beautiful things about feminism. I love sex so I love the thought of women embracing their sexuality I barbeque for a living and for my girlfriend and I also happen to love giving her oral. I’ve got this strange attraction to vaginas, its like instinct or something. I took a women’s literature class since I am for womens rights and I thought it would be fun and sometimes it was. Eventually though I got tired down by stories and discussions were classmates denounced fathers who weren’t perfect and other men and just got into such confusing conversations and all this stuff and I came to the conclusion that some women or girls in particular think being for woman’s rights is personal that they ought to walk around with a chip on their shoulder and be real combative and disrespect men that are their elders or that deserve respect by virtue of being human beings. It would be like a black or latino person who thought civil rights meant having a chip on their shoulders. I am Latino and I know a few people like that. So this is really a joke, a joke on old ideas about courtship that are quite sexist but I really don’t see whats wrong with it. I personally view Valentines Day as cook breakfast in bed romantic trip eating a romantic dinner eating out her flowers and some amazing her focused sex so I earned my steak and blowjob day. Not that it is some tit for tat exchange, its just love. True feminism does not equal women trying to take the most and give the least to the men they choose to interact with.

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