Porn Bailout for the Sake of America’s Health

The porn industry is seeking a bailout. But the interesting thing is that it’s not because porn is suffering from the economic downturn. It’s because America NEEDS MORE PORN to help us through these tough times.

Flynt and Francis concede the industry itself is in no financial danger — DVD sales have slipped over the past year, but Web traffic has continued to grow.

But the industry leaders said the issue is a nation in need. “People are too depressed to be sexually active,” Flynt said in the statement. “This is very unhealthy as a nation. Americans can do without cars and such but they cannot do without sex.”

“With all this economic misery and people losing all that money, sex is the farthest thing from their mind. It’s time for congress to rejuvenate the sexual appetite of America. The only way they can do this is by supporting the adult industry and doing it quickly.”

Gotta give them credit for originality.

15 thoughts on “Porn Bailout for the Sake of America’s Health

  1. Let me see. Porn is the only thing that will save US sex. Porn is now available on TV, DVDs, the Internet, strip clubs, and more. So how is government support going to lead to more use? I’m missing something. Is “brought to you by the US gov’t” supposed to be a turn on? Or is the idea that people will trust gov’t supported porn more? It will be of a suitably lowered tone?

  2. […] I, for one, love this idea. It’s got the sort of smarmy brilliance to it that only a social pariah could properly voice. What better way to start shaking our idiot citizens from their deluded faith in government than by forcing them to acknowledge and answer, one way or another, the cries of a massive industry that just happens to be unwelcome in polite conversation? […]

  3. bailing out these retarded companies is nothing but a waste of money if porn was such a big part of keeping America healthy or better some how their are plenty of other places to get porn why spend billions on porn when you can get it alot cheaper and some times even better from none big name places this idea was stupid and should not be talked about ever again for the sake of not embarrassing them L:OL

  4. I thought the Girls Gone Wild guy was facing prison time for tax evasion. Now I notice he’s on the nightly news.

    Then again, why am I even watching the nightly news?

    I can’t say I’m bothered by this. The porn industry has always been one big parody (except, I suppose, for those who ruin their bodies working in it …in which case it’s very much real), and this seems like just another instance. And when people talk about it, it’s just free advertising.

    On that note, for anyone who thinks there is a valid place for watching eroticism, ifeelmyself.com deserves a plug of its own. Better they than the poison that GGW has been to my generation.

  5. so, do you think it’s satire? are they making a comment about the bailing out of the auto industry?

    jj, i can’t help myself: i’m now sitting here trying to imagine what government issue porn would be like! it would be very pro-car and pro-agribusiness… hmm…

  6. CNN seems to think it’s all a joke, meant to call attention to the gov’t’s abandoning the principles of the market.

    lp, I had gotten to the point of realizing it could involve tattoos and maybe even (gasp!) branding irons.

  7. It is definitely a joke. They are making mockery of how many industries the government is willing to bailout.

  8. It’s pretty clearly a prank. Larry Flynt has a history of doing provocative things like this.

  9. I posted it because I thought it was funny. I was surprised to see it being reported “straight” (in the link I posted), which made me hesitate before simply assuming it was a hoax.

  10. i feel like there’s a serious side to it that might not be so bad. i mean, it’s clearly satire, but i think there might be a real issue driving it. it’s reasonable to ask what we should be saving and what we shouldn’t; what we need and what’s excess, part of the air in the bubble, that can go. eg, i don’t quite get it why the auto industry should be bailed out: it seems strange to give them money to keep making cars when americans obviously don’t need more cars (as is evidenced by the fact that they’re not buying cars). saving jobs is good, sure. but why not offer auto industry employees public works jobs or something instead of making superfluous cars? it almost does seem more believable that americans need more sex than that they need more cars. i hope this stunt is taken to heart, really.

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