A contest: worst philosophical chat-up lines

I thought it was about time for some light relief, so I bring you a competition for worst philosophical pick-up lines.  (Since it’s meant to be light relief, the thought is to go for funnily bad ones rather than e.g. sexually harassing ones– that’s a different contest.)

They don’t have to be real, though it’s especially amusing if you or someone you know has either used them or had them used on them. They can be ones misguided philosophers come up with, or ones non-philosophers think philosophers might fall for.  I’ll kick it off with two, one of which was tried on a friend of mine and one of which was tried on me:


“You’re a philosopher? Let me tell you my philosophy of lurrve.”

“You’re a philosopher? Say something deep.”

I’m *sure* you can do better than these.

Prize for the winner: everlasting fame (pseudonymous, if you like) on Feminist Philosophers.) Leave your contributions in comments!

17 thoughts on “A contest: worst philosophical chat-up lines

  1. This post is a great idea, and I hope I didn’t kill it. I should say that the line I mentioned is a real life one, and in fact I still get it quite a bit just from friendly folk.

  2. Excellent! Sadly, I fear this whole post will be lost in the coming onslaught of video game discussion. Maybe I’ll do a second round later.

  3. “Oh! Want to study my philosophies?” Ugh.

    A friend got “what are some of your sayings?” once, which still cracks me up.

    Just for sheer kick-me-in-the-head boredom, the worst is really “What are you going to do with that?”

  4. Although this is not a pick up line, it still brings me a smile, and I hope it brings you one too:

    What does the philosophy PhD say to the MBA grad?

    “Do you want fries with that?”

  5. Either I am too dense to spot pick up lines, or people don’t use them on me :P
    I am only on my way to become a philosopher anyway! However, before I got on that road, when people asked me what my major was and I answered “Psychology”, the reply often was “Oh, so you’re going to analyse me”.
    After a while I found a very satisifying reply to that: put my hand to the chin, look intently at the utterer, tilt the head a little and say “Interesting you would say that…”

  6. I by no means endorse actually using these but;

    “I must be an idealist because I can’t get you out of my mind.”

    “You make a fine argument for Xeno; Around you, the rest of the world seems to stand still.”

    If we’re going for really bad ones though;

    “How do you feel about Aristotle, because you bring out the social animal in me.”

  7. I’m fairly new to the Philosophy world but this one hit me as we were going over the classics:

    “I’m a Philosopher, and my project is to find perfection. I believe I’ve found a Specimen that looks promising, Care to let me study it in greater detail?”

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