Hiding the camel’s toe

There’s nowt so queer as folk. And there’s nothing quite as strange as the devilish rules of fashion by which us gals must abide. Somewhere, a single sartorial despot, or perhaps a committee of evil fashion geniuses, are scheming hard to devise as contrary a set of norms as possible. And they’ve really outdone themselves with the following little number. Want to look good? In fact, forget looking good – just don’t want to be laughed at? You need to do the following:

  1. Shave, pluck, or wax most of the hair from your groin – hairy pie is out.
  2. Wear the tightest of tight thongs/hot pants/jeans, made from the thinnest material you can find, preferably lycra. (No-one likes a gal in granny knickers.)
  3. BUT – at all costs, avoid the terrible fashion faux pas of showing the contours of your lady parts.

That’s right! Make your front bottom as smooth as a peach, wear tight, figure-skimming clothes, but make sure no-one can see its outline! You’re aiming for a groin like Barbie’s. For those of you not in the know, the dreaded lady-bit outline is known as the ‘camel’s toe’. Sporting such an item will render you the subject of ridicule. But fear not, fashionistas! The solution is simple – stick some padding down your pants, and you’re away! Puff pads can be purchased from the following sites: Camelflage – ‘the original visual privacy garment’ (apparently), and Cuchini – ‘our lips are sealed’. And just in case you’re not feeling ashamed enough yet, there’s a comedy song about camel’s toes on the Cuchini website. Watch it, feel bad about your bits, and buy some pads!!!!

Thanks to J-Bro, who claims he isn’t on a camel toe mailing list.

8 thoughts on “Hiding the camel’s toe

  1. And you can also buy expensive yoga pants to hide the dreaded camel toe! Another reason to hate lululemon!

  2. I tend to avoid looking a women’s groins so closely that I’d be able to discern the “offending” outline, or is that socially acceptable now? Did I miss a memo?

    Maybe if it’s rebranded as the female “package”, then it would be more acceptable to flaunt it. Or you can go to Cornell to get it trimmed back so it’s not so prominent.

  3. I always thought it was only a camel toe if it was part of a slightly convex upper vulva under a not-so-fit belly. The equal and opposite reaction to the physically impossible attempt to prevent muffin-top by trying to turn a 7″ rise into a 9″ rise, and the discovery that flesh stretches before denim.

    The expression applies to teeny things under washboard abs too?

  4. It happens, and it doesn’t necessarily mean you’re fat. And yes, it shouldn’t really be an issue when style today is pushing for tighter clothes. It is a problem when both men and women got “muffin-tops” peaking at the bottom of shirts. Don’t be afraid to go a size up when clothes today are starting to get fitted anyway..

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