of sex and the neutered cat.
Let us start with masturbation. Looking at Jezebel’s useful list of the ten worst masturbatory experiences, we find an instructive tale for all cats:
Earlier this week, I came home from work to find my male (neutered) cat aggressively humping one of the couch pillows. Startled by my presence, he stops, and I see the gears in his little head thinking, “Oh, fuck! What do I do? What do I do????!” He then hid under the couch for most of the evening until it was dinnertime. I told him that it was a natural thing and you should do it in private. He head butted me in gratitude for not yelling at him.