Teenage girl blossoms into beautiful object

Calling the transformation both delightful and stunning, friends and family members confirmed Tuesday that 17-year-old Ashley Parker was blossoming into an absolutely gorgeous object.

According to Parker’s relatives, in the span of 14 months, the high school junior underwent a staggering metamorphosis from a young girl with thoughts, feelings, and aspirations into a truly stunning commodity.

Ah, The Onion.

(Thanks, J!)

2 thoughts on “Teenage girl blossoms into beautiful object

  1. I had just read it. I think they missed the important bit about the decades of body-hatred training and indoctrination that all young women undergo in as part of the process. The writer (yes I know it is a joke) wrote the article without that important bit of context. Girls do not wake up one morning and find themselves objectified. It is a long and painful road of devaluation of female ideas and achivements that is a part of the objectification.

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