How to get a faculty member down from a tree

Well, the method worked with a bear, and I think it is obviously even more likely to work with faculty. Read on:

Two young bears who were hanging out in campsites and a bar in California ended up in the Houston Zoo. They were put into an enclosure where they could be seen, and within thirty or so minutes they were out of the enclosure and up trees.

This caused some consternation among zoo officials, and they lured one bear into a crate with bread and honey. The next bear required a lot more thought:

[after two and a half hours] The zoo team brought in a bucket crane like the kind used by window cleaners and hoisted the zoo director and the area supervisor up above where the bear was hiding in the branches.

The animal then decided enough was enough and climbed back down and into her exhibit on her own.

“We were certainly surprised, we were not expecting to spend our afternoon like that,” [Beth] Schaefer [museum curator] said.

One second thought, I suppose some faculty might just hang in there and shout things like, “I have tenure,” “Nothing in the faculty handbook says anything about trees,” and other, much ruder things. But a lot of us would indeed give up, I’d bet.